There are all kinds of ways to describe growth and development. We in the Student Affairs profession tend to use theory to define the transformation we see in most maturing college students. But when you start to strip away all the theory that surrounds development …it’s all about change. And for parents that is sometimes confusing.
Students are finishing another year and they have been exposed to a wide variety of experiences, some that were vastly different than the experiences they brought to campus at the beginning of the year. In fact, the college experience is meant to allow for a wide range of views and ideas. Exposure to new stuff causes students to question conventions and test boundaries, to try new things …to firmly establish their own identity and their own roadmap for life - and that’s a normal, healthy part of the process. Even when they’ve stumbled, when they learn from that setback, there is growth.
All this to say that your student, if all has gone well, will probably arrive home a changed person …more mature, more independent, more confident – with some new thoughts about life. Don’t be afraid to express your opinion and challenge their thinking, as long as you are also willing to listen. The important step for us is to support their development as long as they are moving in positive directions. But, “what’s positive” you may wonder? …and, I admit, that’s a challenge.
I know I’m wading into some choppy waters here, but this is important. ….Acting out, destructive behavior, neglecting studies - are all actions that ought to be challenged. However, questioning conventional thought on an issue that we vehemently embrace may seem like destructive, rebellious behavior, but more often - at this stage of development - it represents exploration. It is important to recognize that your student is an emerging adult who needs to be able to think for her or himself. If we can manage a real “adult” conversation with our child, it presents an opportunity for exploration of these new ideas from a reasonable platform. Engaging in “adult” conversation with your child should be similar to a conversation that you might have with a colleague at work, at church, or at a ballgame. As in any good conversation, there must be room for an exchange of ideas …and we must be willing to listen and accept the differences. Although, I don’t expect that we, students and parents, are always going to get this right the first time out of the box. All we can do is to be ready when the opportunity for conversation presents itself and to keep trying.
Healthy growth brings change, the emergence of an individual who is excited about exploring new ideas and is searching for a place where they can make a contribution – and they may respectfully disagree with us. That’s not failure on our part as a parent, that’s success. Let’s just try to continue to be part of the discussion. Our role at this stage of young adulthood is to offer proper support and encouragement and to know when to let go.
