We have talked a lot about letting go …supporting your college student’s independence, all the while insisting that you stay engaged and supportive. How exactly, you may ask, are you supposed to maintain that balance? Although as a college parent myself I admit I haven’t perfected the formula, here’s my best advice.
Listen more than you talk. Stay in touch with a phone call, a note, or a text message. I don’t recommend asking for a minute by minute account of the day. You’re likely to get a lot of curt responses, unless of course they are having a very bad day, in which case you may hear more than you wanted. But in either case your primary job is to listen. You really are just touching base, just letting them know you are still there and you are thinking about them. Students report that a note from home is valued above almost anything else (second only to a note from home with money.) And try not to call every day, but if that is just the way you do things, keep it short.
Remember not to rescue them, almost every student is going to have an “I hate it here and want to come home” moment. Listen, sleep on it and check up tomorrow. In almost all cases the future will seem much brighter with a little space and time. But if you notice a downward trend that worries you, let us know - we can check on them. Professional staff can assess whether they believe intervention is needed.
If you have a question you need answered, don’t be afraid to call. There is specific information that is needed and they have the answer. If your job requires that you are in the area then call ahead and schedule a lunch or dinner, preferably off-campus. You might even offer to treat a friend they want to bring along. Just remember to think of this as their place and the polite thing to do is call ahead and schedule time for a visit …but not a vacation.
That’s probably enough for now – stay in touch, listen more than you talk and let us know if you think there is a problem. ….OH! and your student asked me to add, send money.
